Why do I Behave Like A Twat When I Want To Impress!!

We like to be impressive to others as it gives us elevated status and validation and often makes us feel better about ourselves — It’s part of being human but it’s not the nicest part is it?

You may notice the use of the word ‘we’. I like using this collective term as I can console myself that my fucked up ways are shared probably with others. Even if those others are just psychopathic narcissistic fuckwits, it releases some feelings of uncertainty and increases a sense of self-assuredness.

Anyhow, whenever I try to be impressive to others, for some reason, I end up behaving like a complete twat and create the very opposite of my intention which makes me want to be even more impressive to compensate for the twattiness.

From having a big telly to an aspired working role to financial status, impressing others is a part of everyday life and it can become a spirit crushing prison. Beneath being impressive is the need for validation from others and we’ll never be free until we shed that need. This can be extreme for some where the opinion of others is central to their esteem which creates a very fragile personality base. We can then lean towards being what we think others would approve of or be impressed with rather than having the strength to be our authentic selves.

We can sit back and see the irony in the dumbfuck sides of ourselves but only after we’ve stopped crying about our follies. The common occasions when this happens is when I’m with some I want to impress and often this is a person in authority in some way or someone attractive. I seek their approval because it could be good for my career or job status or my social status, often in some obscure or irrelevant way. Typically knowing the bouncers or manager of nightclubs or knowing the most attractive people in a place is good for our social status. Having good approval from the people in power in work-places is good for our career and subsequent livelihoods.

All these status needs have a deep-rooted basis in us seeking to survive and to survive well. We can therefore console ourselves that it’s linked to being naturally human and that we not the headless insecure fuckwits that we may think we are sometimes.

So why do I (or we as I hope it’s not just me) behave stupidly when trying to impress others. In my research of this, I found 4 key elements -

1 — We stop being our authentic selves. In trying to impress others, we alter ourselves to be, say and do what we think would impress them. This is unnatural which leads to ….

2 — We become too self-conscious of what we’re saying and our behaviours which creates anxiety and stops us being our normal selves. This means we cannot access the normal creative parts of us and at best, we present ourselves as a formal suppressed version of our personality. This means we talk and behave like a complete twat which adds to our inner shame-bank fuelling the need for approval from other similar fuckwits to feel that we might just be acceptable

3 — We give away our power. In seeking to impress, we won’t uphold the normal boundaries and it shows in our speech patterns and tones and in our body language. As we become aware of this, it adds to the pressure and we give away more and more of ourselves.

4 — The other person picks up on this (unconsciously) and lets us continue to be nervously unimpressive. Unfortunately, given the opportunity, most people will take power when they can so are likely to just remain silent as we chase our tails to regain control. The power dynamic shifts where we end up filling in all the gaps with bullshit chat and end up feeling even worse.

These 4 elements all merge together in one shit-fest vicious cycle which could make us believe that the universe really has a problem with us doing well or even existing.

I think it’s fortunate that the older I get, the less I feel the need to impress others but the situation still menacingly arises. In recognition of this, I would like to not allow the internal pressure that’s created by a sense of inferiority to create the shit-fest cycle.

I would like to step into my adult rational self and to be my authentic self. I’m so much better when I’m calmly confident me; I live my values better so give more to relationships in all kinds of ways and in doing this it aids my sense of self-acceptance. ‘Just be yourself’ is such common advice with genuine wisdom, but what if you think you’re a useless sociopathic offensive twat? At least by being yourself you’ll be respected whereas bending ourselves to people please commands very little respect.

There is also a paradox to impressing others. The more we seek to impress, the less impressive we are. The less we impress others, the more likely we are to impress. Taking that to an extremity, people who behave like they don’t give a shit or are mean to others, often have people chasing after them or pleasing them. The ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ horrific phrase rings true as does the injustice that complaining twats get better service. I shall not descend to low places if for no other reason than to protect my delicate sense of esteem that would be wobbled if I behaved outside of my values too much.

Anyhoo, if you’ve reached this point and haven’t skipped, present yourself with a minor medal for getting through my meandering warblings. Go easy and live with love and kindness.

Originally published at http://theeternalfrustrationsofanoverthinker.home.blog on November 5, 2021.